The other day I was in a conversation where afterwards I blamed myself for not having said ‘the right things’. On my way back in the car I was beating myself up with negative self talk and long after the conversation I kept pondering about it.
When looking at what didn’t work, my first tendency was to analyse and find answers in my brain. Of course the brain can help, but I noticed I was thinking in circles and tried to stop the thinking and instead just to sit with what felt uncomfortable.
Sitting with it and noticing where in me it felt off, what the core of that off-putting feeling was and what story I had built myself around it. It became clear to me that it was not about ‘the right words’ but about playing small where I did not need to. I sat with that and faced it. Truly faced it. Until it shifted into something else.
The shift was towards a getting tired of myself that I would almost call anger. Not the same anger that I felt when I was beating myself up in the car, but a more powerful kick ass anger. Like ‘come on, this is so not serving you any longer Joukje.’
By sitting with the uncomfortable I went to the core of what was bothering me. By sitting with the uncomfortable the energy shifted. By sitting with the uncomfortable I saw where else in my life I play small where I don’t need to. And there I could use my dear brain, to help me think of a next risky moment where I might slip into it again. And brainstorm an empowered new way to deal with it, so that I can be fully me next time, nothing bigger, nothing smaller.
It’s a form of self-coaching, sitting with the uncomfortable and from there let yourself be informed what it is really about and what you want to do with it or how you want to relate to it. And if you don’t want to do it by yourself, feel free to reach out. It’s a freeing experience..